God has been taking me on a journey lately, it is one of healing, and I can most definitely say that it has not been easy. He has been peeling back the layers of my life and showing me the dead places. Things that were different than how I had been perceiving them to be. Things that I wasn’t ready to let go of and didn’t know how to.

Most recently, it was my dad. God showed me how I had spent my entire life inventing a dad in my mind, I had excuses for this dad for every scenario; but in reality that person just isn’t my dad. My dad spent my entire life as what I can only describe as a ‘present’ absentee father. He was there, but he wasn’t. He was not invested in our family life and essentially lived as a bachelor. My mom lived far away from her whole family and was left to raise us mainly on her own. My dad had quite a temper in those early years and after a bad day of work would come home yelling and throw dishes at the wall, shattering them. I remember him yelling and angry, swearing, and going off at the littlest issue. I grew up thinking that was normal, and that dads just get mad sometimes. Now I am a fully grown adult with my own family and I almost never hear from or see my dad. I confronted him on this recently (finally) after God had shown me what the situation was. My dad sort of apologized and had to read through my messages a few times to realize the heart of the issue, which was whether he cared about me. It was hard for me to see what a struggle this was for him.. to decide if he cared about me or not. This is still an issue God is working out in my life, but there is a heart of the matter that I wanted to address.

I never wanted to be someone with ‘daddy issues.’ So I had just set my dad on a shelf somewhere along the way so I didn’t have to look at the pain or the disappointment of the situation. But God helped me realize the bigger issue: never dealing with my ‘daddy issues’ was affecting how I saw Him. I didn’t grow up with a loving, compassionate, or caring father, and so I haven’t known how to truly receive those things from God. I’m seeing how there has been a ripple effect in my life and that my self confidence really suffered. But God.

God has such a better way. And He has been so patient with me, letting me take the long, slow way to getting to this place of acceptance, and forgiveness. I need to forgive my dad to move on. And I need Jesus to give me the ability to do that. I need to accept that I didn’t have the loving dad I always wanted.

But I finally realize that after all those years, what I was really and truly desiring was to be my Father’s girl. And I am that, and it’s the best thing in the whole world. And I need to let Him teach me how to be loved and valued and cherished, and to know what a real dad is.

I can see already how much God has done in me, after pulling the rug out of who I had made my dad to be. I am able to be healed and to let those desires be placed where they belong, on my Father.

I know the healing work is not done, but I just feel God’s heart so strongly for all those longing for that Father’s love. He’s waiting for you, and His love is better than anything. He will heal your broken heart.

Ezekial 36:26- A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.

Thanks for reading ❤️